Slashdot is remembering back to the olden days of Nintendo eliminating some of the racy humor from Maniac Mansion, along with the predictable replies that Nintendo has always done this sort of thing, and a response to that reply of “What’s wrong with that?” that particularly got my goat.
Even at the ripe old age of twelve I could tell that Nintendo Power was clearly written for a younger target market. No big words, lots of bright primary colors. Not that GamePro or EGM was the Wall Street Journal [many of their early layouts, using blown-up screenshots as backgrounds and the like, made my eyeballs bleed], but at least EGM gave games negative reviews when they were deserved.
I will not soon forget the first time I heard Randy Quaid, voicing the animated Colonel Sanders in a KFC ad, wrap his dulcet, hick-accented tones around the proper noun “Poe-kay-maun” [a Kids’ Meal tie-in] and I knew instantly that I wanted no part of it. I mean, who wants to go into a store, with other people around, and order “Pikmin” or “Animal Crossing” or “[Old Game Rehash] Advance” by name? I have super good pals who do this all the time, but I like them anyway.
I must admit, though — the wife and myself both want Game Boy Advances [is that the correct plural version, or is it “Game Boys Advance,” like “Attorneys General?”]. The wife will get hers for Christmas, if not sooner [she deserves it sooner], but should I ever get one, I have already promised myself I will not purchase, for myself, any game with “Advance” in the title.
As has been suggested earlier in this piece, “Advance” is a marketing way of saying “we couldn’t come up with anything new, so here’s an oldie you can play portable now.” It’s this era’s version of “Super” [remember how every SNES port from the NES had to have SUPER in the title? Like anyone under the never-trust-age of thirty would get confused at the store and take the wrong game home, much less manage to fit the cartridge into the console] and “64” [as in “Quest… 64!” and “International Superstar Soccer… 64!”].
I do believe Nintendo will start making some decisions that gives their future [non-portable] consoles a greater chance for success again. A component-width, front-loading case, six buttons in two rows of three on a controller, and maybe a Nintendo Power RAW [“for the mature fan”], written for a sixth-grade reading level, would be a great beginning. Until then, you can find me over here in the 48” or taller line.
Oh, one more thing: Square, I think I speak for a silent majority who is getting a little sick of sequels to a game called “Final Fantasy.” What is that even supposed to mean?
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